Page 5/6: Cows

For most canines of Lilac’s size, riding in an XL breed vehicle was oddly patronizing. Every detail—the double-sized faux leather seats, the vast legroom—emphasized how small she felt, her feet left dangling. She caught herself worrying about occupying so little space and reminded herself: with one bad turn, it could be the opposite. That worry flickered and vanished. At least, sitting like this, tapping her foot wasn’t even possible. She drew the thick seatbelt across her chest, noticing its buckle was wider than her own hand—a comic mismatch that made her focus on the present.

She picked at the layered vinyl patches on the seats, imagining being a breed even smaller than she was. The passing thought of a chihuahua needing a seat raiser to see out made her snicker, a guilty humor.

The drive to the dormitories was short but memorable. Lilac sighed as the door unlocked, declined help, and slid out of the van onto the sidewalk.

Lilac tried to keep her strides even and casual as Teddy shadowed her to the front door.

“I’ll be right outside, please take your time,” Teddy assured her.

Turning the key was daunting. She knew what to expect, but no amount of false confidence could prepare her for the aftermath.

Her furniture was ransacked, pillows and blankets shredded, stuffing strewn across the floor. Lilac traced deep slashes along the wall—something had tried to climb to the ceiling. She pressed a finger to the claw marks, absently hooking her hand around the drywall. She smacked her cheek. Focus. The duffel bag on her shoulder reminded her why she was here. Scanning the dorm, her mind leaped ahead, leaving her to catch up.

Okay, clothes. What kind of clothes? It’s cold, and I don’t have many coats - Socks… Socks... Notebook.  It’s in my backpack. Where's my backpack?  Shit, I broke the refrigerator. Never mind - Nevermind! Okay, count outfits… Four… five… si-wait. Socks!

She shook her head in exasperation, hoping to physically reorganize her thoughts. Stay calm. Stay focused.

Lilac quickly entered the bathroom to grab her toiletries and prescriptions, but shattered glass on the floor slowed her down. She stepped carefully.

Despite her efforts, it was impossible to ignore the mirror's condition. It was struck straight through to the wall behind it, thousands of fragments forming a brutal mosaic. She lifted her hand high into the broken, flickering light. Her knuckles were unscarred, but faint bruising lingered just underneath most of her skin, too pale to show under her thinner fur but tinting her snowy white underside into a yellowish ivory. She laid her first gently in the center of the mirror’s damage. Her eyes traced the shards and splinters of glass until they settled on her own distorted image.

Gold eyes stared back at her, sliced through by a crack. Tingling started at her closed fist, prickling up her arm. Static buzzed in her ears. Had Teddy come in? No, she was alone.

She could hear it so clearly: The sounds of four paws treading over shattered glass, circling her.

She flung open the cabinet, grabbed what she needed, and fled out the door past Teddy. The other woman said something, but by the time Lilac registered the sounds, she’d already shut the van’s heavy door. Henna glanced back from the driver’s seat, mouth tight, then looked away.

After a few moments of silence, the front passenger door opened, and Teddy slid into her seat. She leaned over the armrest to address Lilac directly.

“I spoke with the groundskeeper,” she stated, tilting her head gently to the side. “Is your foot alright?”

“Huh?” Lilac looked down at her foot paw beneath her sandals. A small white sliver cut was visible on her heel. She didn’t feel it, but it was there. “Yeah, it’s alright.”

That seemed to be all Teddy needed. “If it is any consolation, a cleanup crew has already quoted the repairs for your dorm room. Negotiations are happening between the facility and the school. They should be completed before your return.”

Lilac nodded slowly as Henna turned the key. She chewed her lips, tentative words of gratitude welled up in the back of Lilac’s throat. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for picking me up, for coming all this way. Thank you for not looking at me like a freak—especially after what I’ve done. She wanted to say it all, but couldn’t find the courage, and the words knotted up in her throat.

“Thanks,” Lilac mumbled to both women in the front seat.

“We’ll have you fixed up in no time, kid,” Henna said, and Teddy nodded in agreement.

Just as they pulled away from the university, Lilac’s gaze drifted out to the concrete path leading to the dorms, where a custodian was unraveling a garden hose. Glancing out the window, Lilac saw red spots along the path and an unmistakable trail she had left behind on the concrete. Even from a distance, she could see how the size of the drops had gotten smaller and smaller, until vanishing a few feet from the parking lot. She rubbed her foot idly as water was sprayed and her blood ran red, then pink, then clear.

The moment the van hit the highway, Henna started telling jokes dry enough for a laugh and a cough to sound the same. Each one was accentuated with raised eyebrows and an expectant look cast to her colleague. She was at best met with either an unimpressed silence or a confused grimace, but never a laugh. Lilac snickered quietly at the exchange.

“Aww, come on, that was a good one!” The car swayed as Henna nudged Teddy’s shoulder with a self-satisfied grin. It was as if the collie's deadpan expression only added fuel to Henna's fire. The juxtaposition between her war-hardened features and her earnest attempt at humor was enough to make Lilac hide her laughter behind her fist.

Henna's fruitless stand-up eventually devolved into venting about the tiring managerial aspects of her position at the facility. From the backseat, Lilac could see the tips of Teddy’s ears sway anytime she nodded along to Henna’s exasperated grievances and responsibilities that had fallen on her shoulders. Lilac fought to pay attention, but the monotonous detailing of spreadsheets and paperwork was far beyond her. It wasn't engaging, but at least it was something. Her leg began to shake.

Inevitably, Lilac’s attention flitted to the distant and bustling cityscape of downtown Domestica as it warped and changed with every mile.

The seductive promise of nightlife in the entertainment district was plastered across billboards and displayed on digital screens along building facades. The childlike wonder Lilac felt at the site was quickly replaced by words of warning. Her mother’s most recent admonishments rang like a bell in the town square. Every gong elicited another detailed description of the dangers and wicked temptations of the city, parsed from headlines that had traveled hundreds of miles home. There was a pang of irony that trailed each sentiment, given Lilac's situation. Without realizing it, she'd already worked the vinyl patch under her claw until she felt the upholstery foam beneath it. She removed her hand and quickly tried smoothing the distressed patch back into place, trying not to look too guilty.

Just beyond the edge of the city, the countryside was discolored by hundreds of gray, sun-weathered buildings and factories staining the sky to match. Dead shopping areas and muted suburbs surrounded it. It was a rotting place, Lilac knew that much. Just then, Teddy turned off the air conditioning in an attempt to stave off the foul breath of the city before it could flood their small space.

The quiet filled the car so fully that Lilac began to feel claustrophobic. Henna leaned into her hand, with her other gripping the steering wheel, comfortable in the newfound silence. Immediately, Lilac wracked her brain for a question that would be easy to answer. Something that at best would quell her nerves, and at worst just be enough to fill the emptiness. Narrowing down her cavalcade of questions to just the ones worth asking felt like trying to fill a teacup from a waterfall. Her palm gripped foam.

Lilac stared at the radio button so hard she wondered if she could turn it with her mind. As though Teddy had felt the shiba’s silent but powerful concentration, she turned the stereo to the most popular station available to them out here in the rural countryside. An accusatory gasp almost left Lilac. Surely Teddy wasn't clairvoyant. Surely not.

“Cows,” came Teddy’s barely audible exclamation from the front seat.

Glancing out the window, Lilac squinted as the patchwork quilt of farmland replaced the city. Dedicated plots of pumpkin patches and corn mazes nestled between acres of what she could only hope to be summer squash or green beans. Her mouth watered at the prospects. There was never a bad time for soup. As promised, there was the speckling of free-ranging cattle on a yellowed pasture. Lilac fought to keep her excitement at bay, but her hands adhered to the window as she watched with impossibly wide eyes. Any threat of the events of the last few days, the disorientation of her life changing so abruptly, or the ever looming threat of the consequences of existence were all dwarfed by the unsurpassable spectacle that was cows along the highway.

Henna tossed a grin from the rear view mirror to her colleague, who was busying herself with reading in the passenger seat. The rest of the drive passed by in a silence no one felt compelled to interrupt. Soon, the peaceful rumble of the car called for Lilac to close her eyes, just for a moment…

---

The sound of the vehicle being put in park jostled Lilac from her impromptu nap. Her cheek slid off her palm, and if not for her seatbelt, she would’ve face planted into the back of Teddy’s seat. She wiped drool off her shoulder as the doors unlocked. The fresh air was electrifying; it swelled within her chest so fully she could feel every fiber of her muscles taking it in. Refreshing was a gross understatement; she felt like she could stand there for hours, just taking in the sun and the breeze.

The facility itself was a white, single-story house of healing, standing stalwart between a sea of farmland and blocks of ill-maintained housing. The trio stepped out, with Henna leading the smaller woman forward.

Despite her soreness, Lilac felt as if her center of balance was roaming through her body, giving her the coordination of a newborn deer. With a huff, Lilac quickened her pace, nearly tripping over the sidewalk as she outpaced Teddy and Henna to the door and held it open for them. Heat rose to Lilac’s cheeks as she realized how unnecessary her display was. Henna let out a chuffed laugh, and Teddy slowed her pace. Lilac kept her gaze low, unable to face them.

“Thank you, Ms. Kimberlite,” said Teddy quietly. The scent of roses trailed behind her, stronger than Lilac remembered it being.

Lilac swung around to follow them inside up to the front desk that came up to her chin. Although Teddy wasn't taller than her by more than a few inches, her confidence made her look all the more at home. Behind the desk, a wolfish receptionist was furiously typing away at her computer with a phone to her ear. Her name card said 'Nichole,' and she had purple streaks in her long, black hair, nestled between her pointed ears. A frown was tugged under her fangs as she transcribed her call. She was visibly relieved to see Henna and Teddy and attempted to ask for a brief hold, only to be cut off several times. Reluctantly, she placed her hand over the audible yelling on the other side and harshly whispered to the two women, “Thank god you’re back.”

Glancing downward, Lilac was peeking up at her with a sheepish smile. Nichole’s eyes flicked between the three women with raised brows and a slow, silent nod. She reached for a clipboard on the bookshelf behind her. As Nichole stood up, Lilac was impressed by her height; she was easily as tall as Henna, though smaller, with a thinner, more feminine build.

“Yes… yes. Is there anything more?” Nichole asked into the phone as she leaned forward, gesturing for Lilac to take the sign-in sheet from her.

The shiba stumbled to life, arms stiff as she grabbed the clipboard. Nichole mumbled into the call as their eyes met, making Lilac shift her weight. She filled in her name before handing it back, leaving the emergency contact blank. Nichole, not glancing at the papers, gently shook her head, a soft fascination in her topaz eyes.

Lilac nearly jumped out of her fur when a large hand was placed on her shoulder. Henna looked down at her. Despite the jagged scars that hatched across her muzzle, there was a softness in her smile. “Welp, welcome to Rehab. Teddy will take it from here.”

Nichole shot Henna a pointed look, prompting her to roll her neck until it popped like a firecracker before rounding the desk to peer down at the computer screen. Even with the drive and hours spent at the hospital, Henna looked as though her day had just begun. Lilac didn’t envy her—a fact she reminded herself of whenever she imagined enduring the methods it might take to tame the beast lurking inside her—but she held to the thought that envy wasn’t impossible.

As Henna was offered the phone, she shot Teddy a thumbs-up. The collie returned it before producing a small notepad from the pocket of her oversized jacket and, with a click of her pen, ushered Lilac through the double doors and into the facility.

Taking it all in, Lilac stumbled backward. The spacious room had 10-foot ceilings, square tables, and couches angled to make small pockets of privacy. In the corner, Lilac could see a colorful area with children's books on a small shelf and letter blocks on a foam puzzle mat. Sunlight filled the room from nearly floor-to-ceiling windows.

From the giant glass window, she could see out into the courtyard, where several close but disconnected buildings stood amid cement sidewalks that cut through green grass. The view reminded Lilac of her school's layout.

“This building was constructed from a previous university building,” Teddy whispered, continuing along the carpeted floor. “This is the visitation area.”

They passed small groups of visiting families and friends. The stares were impossible to miss—unlike the oppressive gazes at the hospital, these were uncomfortably polite. Though people stared, Teddy seemed at home, and tall figures stepped carefully around them, as if afraid to step on them. It was one thing to be small, another to be small in the middle of the room.

But most glaringly, everyone was wolven, from slender, angular Timber wolves with defined muscles to broad, hunched mountain dwellers with thick arms. Lilac remembered it was an ironworking town. Regardless of region, all stood at least 6 feet tall—she would have to crane her neck to speak to any of them. Looking down, she found her curled tail wound into her hands.

Being surrounded by such large breeds was overwhelming, but the smell crushed her. Lilac’s hand clamped over her nose as a stinging, acrid torrent invaded her senses. Tears burned her eyes. The odors brawled together, too tangled and forceful to distinguish; all she knew was they were suffocating.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lilac saw Teddy jot something in her notebook and close it. “Breathing through your mouth may be easier,” she said.

As they pushed through the next set of doors and into a long, empty hallway, Lilac's pace faltered, her hand pressed tight to her nose as she stared at the floor. Each of Teddy’s strides echoed ahead until he noticed the shiba rubbing her wrists, shoulders hunched, and gaze fixed on nothing. “Shouldn’t I have like, I don’t know…” The word "security" threatened to escape, but Lilac’s throat closed over it, shame burning up her cheeks. She just gestured weakly between them.

“If your concern is regarding your safety, rest assured, this entire facility’s staff—including myself—are trained professionals.” Teddy watched Lilac's hands and stated plainly.

Lilac quirked her head. "I thought you were a physical therapist?"

“Among other things,” Teddy answered without missing a beat. "In addition to physical therapy, I facilitate several physical activities, oversee the bookkeeping department, and handle client scheduling."

Lilac really looked at Teddy. Standing toe-to-toe, her eyes would've just met Teddy's nose. There wasn’t much to see beyond her jacket, and it was clear the collie was on the thinner side. But despite their similar sizes, Lilac felt far smaller because of her relaxed confidence. Tension gripped Lilac’s muscles. The thought of what she could do to the other woman caused bile to well up in her throat. She thought back to how easy it was to cut her own face; the blood on her claws made her want to vomit. It must have been plastered across Lilac’s face as Teddy spun to face her, walking backward with her hands clasped behind her back.

“Your worry is understandable, but you would not have been assigned to me if Ms. Hethia didn’t trust that I could safely perform the necessary duties." She paused as the automatic doors slid open. Lilac puzzled for a moment before realizing Teddy was likely referring to Henna.

Damn, have I been calling her Henna this whole time? Did she ever say her last name? Suddenly, Lilac was fraught with worry that she’d unknowingly been mannerless in the face of the woman who’d been generous enough to bring her here. Even though the woman didn’t seem particularly formal, Lilac made a note to herself to make the effort.

“So are you the only dog here… everyone else is wolven?”

"One of two. In fact, you're about to meet the second," Teddy confirmed. "Our first order of business would be getting you to Dr. O'Maley for a physical examination before lunch. I assume you must be famished."

At the mention of food, Lilac’s stomach growled loud enough to raise the collie woman’s eyebrows. Warmth spread through Lilac like a wildfire, catching her cheeks aflame.

“Yeah, I could… I could eat.” Lilac laughed through her embarrassment, hugging her own stomach like a lifeline. To her surprise, Teddy offered a polite smile before continuing ahead.

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